This is the guide we give to anyone who decides they’re willing to watch our dramatic dog overnight. Many people have told me it’s great reading material, so here you go:
Food:
He gets one scoop for breakfast and one for dinner – he eats breakfast anytime before noon (because we are neglectful and forget) and dinner anytime after five (probably whenever you’re eating – he likes to pretend he’s a person and eat with you). A lot of the time he’ll refuse to eat his food because he was raised on the streets where he got delicious meat scraps all the time, and now he thinks he’s too good for dog food.
Water:
He’s bad at drinking water. We think he never learned how to do it properly (or maybe learned from a cat). He’ll also try to chug a bunch of water right after you take him outside before bed like a toddler, so stay vigilant.
Walks:
We try to walk him every 3-5 hours (but he can go up to 6 or 7 if necessary). He’s usually good about just going out whenever you wake up (on weekends he turns into a teenager and doesn’t wake up until 10 am).
He’s fine sleeping in his bed at night, but he’ll likely try to sneakily crawl into a human’s bed in the middle of the night and situate himself in the nooks and crannies of a body until you can’t move. You can put up with this or you can not put up with this (we’re pretty 50/50).
Sometimes he’ll start hacking like he’s going to throw up everywhere, but 99% of the time he’s just being dramatic.
If you pass a skateboarder while walking, he’ll wait until it’s right beside you and then try to attack it.
His fears: vacuums, brooms, blenders, drills, balls, basically anything that makes a noise or moves, large puddles, bouquets of roses, saxophone players, his own farts, loneliness.
His loves: cuddling, long walks where he gets to cross streets, chasing squirrels and rabbits, dog ice cream, playing hide and seek, butt rubs, howling out the window, sitting on your feet, Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles.
Memoirable Moments 