December 2020 – Memoirable Moments

Maybe you are a superb planner and have had your holiday presents finished for weeks now, or maybe you’re panic-scrolling through Instagram trying to find the perfect gift to give someone that takes minimal effort and almost no money. DON’T WORRY FRIENDS, I’ve got your backup plan.

Step One: Dig your edition of Guess Who that you haven’t played in ten years out of your game closet. Ideally it’s in good condition and doesn’t contain cards that are stained or ripped in half. But no judgement.

Step Two: Take all of the face pictures out of the slots and count how many different people there are (I think there are 24 in the traditional version of the game).

Step Three: Spend a glorious amount of time scouring Facebook, Instagram, or your own photo albums for hilarious and/or awkward pictures of your gift recipient and their 23 closest pals (or I guess you could choose normal-looking photos, but that is less fun).

Step Four: Print out two copies of each picture and cover up each Guess Who face with your new, unique version (make sure the picture you print out is the right size). One for each game board slot, another to go in the card pile.

Step Five: Put the face pictures back in their slots. Take a picture of the board because it will look quite awesome.

Step Six: Wrap up the Guess Who game and feel very proud of yourself for coming up with such a cool gift in such a short amount of time.

You’re welcome.

Here is the Guess Who game I made in college – I tried to blur out all of the faces except for mine, my boyfriend, and his dog. Yes, you can put dogs in it too. It’s encouraged.

P.S. I know I said the pictures should be of your gift recipient and their friends or family members, but that’s a lie. Maybe you want to replace the Guess Who faces with 24 players of Survivor. Or 24 dinosaurs. Or a bunch of inanimate objects. Or all of the characters in Home Alone. The options are endless.

When I was in the third grade, I played a foot in our school play. Like, a literal foot. And I have a lot of questions about this.

Mainly, what was this play even about? What was the plot? Was it suspenseful or comedic? I genuinely can’t remember, and I hate myself for it. It was written by one of the (more eccentric) third grade teachers, but I wasn’t smart enough to save the script with my lines in it that I had to memorize. Yes, that’s right. I HAD LINES. As a FOOT. And not even just one line, but way too many. We spent weeks preparing for this play, and I can just imagine myself standing in front of the mirror at home practicing what could only have been very deep, reflective dialogue that I would later say in front of confused-looking parents as I wore a giant painted foam foot on top of my head.

Maybe you’re wondering which “characters” the other students played. Was it just a collection of feet children onstage? Were all of the other appendages present? And I really wish I could tell you. I know there was a hand and an ear, but that’s all I’ve got. Which brings me to another important question: did I try out for the role of “Foot”? Like, was this something I was striving for? Did I go home and tell my mother, “I hope I get to play the foot! What a dream that would be!” Or did my teacher just decide, “you know, I think Emily would make a perfect Foot” and that was that. I don’t know which is worse.

I blame my family for this lapse in foot memories. They must have known I’d want to remember this when I was older. Watch a video of myself speaking, all foot-like. Probably even reenact it at home. But no, all I have is one picture, taken next to the men’s restroom.